Sunday, April 26, 2009

an apology

i hope you guys don't hate me too much.

man was i whiney. i am sorry.

i am feeling more accepting of my new 5k pr - cutting off 20 seconds is not bad for a short race, and now i am that much closer to a sub-21. i was disappointed because i thought for sure i could get sub-21 since my running is way more consistent then it was when i ran the 21:27 jan '08. like many have lectured me - a pr is still a pr, and i am happy to have pr'd.

i have this tendency to compare myself to runner's of deena kastor or paula radcliffe's caliber. let's be real, i'm not an olympic athlete. i know that, but i still wish i was good enough. i need to scale back and enjoy the victories i have in my personal pr's. i know i should never compare myself to others, but when it comes to running i don't hold back. i could care less about keeping up with the jones', and yet be so disappointed to fall short of the goucher's.

i'm sorry to have been so negative. i was disappointed in myself, but excited to have won the race at the same time. i am certainly not ungrateful for a pr nor for winning. i overhead a guy telling his wife "the first female was only 21:07" after the race, and i think that put a damper on things. yes, i am aware that typically the field is much more competitive, but for this race it wasn't as much, and i lucked out. hopefully i can continue to improve and fight for a "real" win against the usual speed demons i see at the races.

this apology also goes out to myself, because i need to quit de-valuing the talent and speed i do have and not take it for granted like some of you mentioned (lectured?) :). i do enjoy running and racing, and i am excited to have a new pr to chase down again soon. i think my body is rebelling against my piss-poor attitude yesterday - my calves are tight and my back is incredibly sore. they both felt that way right when i finished the race but i stretched and did a short cool-down jog to loosen them up and work out the soreness. i slaved away in my yard all afternoon so that may have contributed to the continued back-soreness but my calves? not sure there.

thanks for putting up with my whining and negativity yesterday, though i should've taken a chill pill and kicked it to the curb way sooner. i owe you all.

i just got a stat update on kevin - 44:03 at the 10k mark! come on kev, punch that ticket to nyc!


  1. Whine away! No need to apologize for whining, this is your blog to document your feelings.
    I am glad that you are apologizing to yourself though, because you rocked that race. You are being way to hard on yourself!

  2. I'm not sure if I've ever commented, but I have been following your blog for a while. I agree; no need to apologize. you did awesome! I don't run many 5ks and my PR was 25:48 in a race run entirely in pouring rain. yesterday I wanted to beat that number and got 25:05, but still felt really disappointed that I didn't do better. also, the guy who made the "only" comment can shove it!

  3. Hey, no worries! That's what a blog is for. sometimes, I wait a day to post something because I know I'll be a little negative, but then kick myself because I should just write what's real. And you did.

    Still proud of your race, too. Hope you have a great day :)

  4. Okay, I just read your "whiny" post and this apology is succession. I'm glad you've recognized that you do have some great skill and speed and are an inspiration to many of your readers. I also wish I could be a Deena or Paula, but know that isn't reality. Hell, I started running when I was 28... I kind of have a long way to go on that front and am lacking some in the "natural talent" department that they have.

    But more than apologizing to your readers, I'm glad you apologized to yourself. I'm guilty of speaking angrily to myself and I've been trying to stop. It's one of those things that I have to pause and say, "Would I ever say that to someone else? No... so why am I saying it to myself?" It's hard, self-deprecation is valued (and sometimes it is damn funny), but it isn't something we should do all the time!

    Run on Lindsay, you're awesome!

  5. You won't believe how much I hate you right now! ;-)

    No need for apologize. But seriously, you have great skill and talent. I can only aspire to run like you.

  6. you won the race? that's fantastic!!! be proud, and don't worry that sub 21 is put there waiting for next time. i guess it's like when kara goucher was so upset after coming in 3rd. we set goals for ourselves and it's upsetting when they don't happen.

  7. Lindsay - there is nothing wrong with striving for excellence. I think one of today's problems is that too many settle for mediocrity.

    But, don't be so hard on yourself either. 21:07 is nothing to sneeze at, and first place is first place! Congrats!

    Oh and the comment from that guy about 21:07? I have one word - MORON1 I play poker against thses types all the time. Somebody won and you didn't. Put up or shut up!

  8. Okay - I take the kick in the @$$ back ;)

    Again - congrats!!

  9. No apology necessary! Now we know you are human. I am just jealous of your speed :) Blogs are for the good, the bad and the whining!

  10. Ugh, I bet that guy's comment really got into your head. I'd like to see his wife run 21:07. ;)

    You never have to apologize to us. Sometimes you just have to let it out.

  11. It's nice to read about someone who is so passionate about running. You definitely have a right to whine :) Keep up the hard work and I know you'll reach your goals!

  12. So.....does this mean I don't win? LOL. I actually read the original post and chose to wait to comment because it got me kind of upset.

    Glenn is absolutely right. It's fantastic to be ambitious and there's nothing wrong with dreaming big. While the Paula Radcliffes and Kara Gouchers of the world do have talent, they were not born fast. They've put in far more miles than you. Not to mention, they typically put a little more thought into racing beyond the "Hey, I'll be in SC on Saturday, so I guess I'll sign up for a race". There's nothing wrong with that attitude, just don't expect it to be your best effort. I bet you could sign up for a 5K in a month, prepare for it a little better and take another 30 seconds off your PR.

    On another note, what would you think if Kara Goucher said she was going to quit because she didn't finish as high as she wanted in Boston? Though you might not think so, I think there are a few readers of this blog who are inspired by you (me included).

    So, be proud of your accomplishment. Be a little disappointed in not achieving your goal and live to race another day.

  13. It's all good, Lindsay. You still get the "I am not worthy" comment from me. Keep on whining...ummm, I mean "winning!" Congrats on running such a crappy race! (JK)

  14. I'm like a lot of people here. No apology necessary. If you didn't push yourself the way you do, you wouldnt be as talented as you are.

    Thanks for the shout-out about my race. alas, I didnt make it to new york - but i sure would have taken a pair of nice brooks shoes like you got.


  15. I agree with Carly-this is your blog and you put in it what you want and how you feel...

    But like she also said too...enjoy your running too...don't kill yourself if you don't improve everytime you go out to run. If I did that, I would have been dead a long time ago...many times over!

  16. Apology accepted :)

    Just remember that you did your best, set a PR, and had a good race. End of story. You did awesome.

  17. Hey lindsay...I'm not going to repeat what everyone else has said, but I think although a little disappointment is justified because it helps us strive for success, it really shouldn't take away having pride from the accomplishment. To put it another way, if in a vaccuum, you were told before the race that you'd run a pr, win the race, and win some nice shoes along the race, wouldn't you take it? I know I would.

    I think it's not so important that you apologize to us but more important that you apologize to yourself because it's about not taking what you already have for granted.

    And yes, I'm trying to heed my own advice right about now...haha.

    So don't worry, move on, run fast, run hard. You're still awesome in our books!

  18. First, I would totally kick that guy in the shins. Your time was awesome!

    I completely understand the feeling. You are trying to do your best and you had expectations. It's natural to feel disappointment when you don't meet your goals, etc. But, you rocked! I think you did great!

  19. I just caught up on your last few posts (busy week last week!). First of all, congrats on the PR and 1st place finish. Second of all, there is no need to apologize. That's why we all have these blogs--sometimes you just need to vent, and sometimes you need others to comment and help put things in perspective. When you're a competitive person by nature, it's very easy to take your accomplishments for granted. That's why all of us are around to remind you that it's a pretty fantastic achievement despite being a little bit short of what you expected of yourself. Great job, Lindsay! You are truly a fantastic runner and you really have a lot to be proud of! :)

  20. Hope you know that I was totally joshing when I told you to "shut up". I'm in awe of these string of impressive races you've been putting together and marveling at your win more than anything.

    Keep kicking butt Lindsay - no apologies necessary!

  21. Hey, it's your blog, so you do what you need to do with it! I think it is actually nice to share your dissapointment. You feel it, it is real, regardless of what everyone says. So feel it, move on and run another kick ass one and break 21:00 if that's your goal!
    BTW, I am really impressed with your dedication. And 7:11 pace for a 1/2? In my dreams:) Ana-Maria

  22. BTW I commented on the comment you left on my blog even though your comments on my comment really doesn't warrant commenting...Haha.

    Does that even make sense?

    Anyway, hopefully you're feeling better about your freakin' awesome accomplishment.

    If not, can I have your shoes? I can use another pair of Brooks Defyance 2 in a Men's size 10 please!

  23. I forgot one other thing. I'll happily trade you my 19:34 and my mug for your 21:07 and the free shoes. I think it's a fair trade. I won't need the 19:34 after May 9th, anyway :P.

    Oh and I will also go in to agree with those who say you don't need to apologize. We're all here to share the good and the bad and we all feel the same way sometimes. If you only shared the good, we'd probably all just start to resent you :).

  24. Sometimes we need to feel poorly about our runs. It makes us work harder.

    But don't be TOO hard on yourself. Enjoy those free shoes instead!

  25. phew, i'm glad everybody else saved me the trouble of ragging on you ;) j/k. i'm right there with you. sometimes you can do great in a race and still feel not so great about your performance--i've had PRs that i've not been happy with myself. anyway, congrats on the win--i don't care if there was only one other woman in the race, it's still a win. and i think it rocks that you won free shoes. that sub-21 will come before you know it, and it will feel amazing when it does.

  26. just catching up with you girlie :) you don't need any lectures and you know all this at this point but you know you are too hard on yourself :) CONGRATS on your WIN and PR!! both are AMAZING no matter what time it is! seriously, you are an amazing runner, i would LOVE to have that 5k time and win a race! just make sure to keep your eyes on yourself, no need to look at all those olympic runners, etc... remember why you love running and how far you have come!!! dont let those other things get you down. you are awesome girl and dont forget that!