Friday, April 1, 2011

when nature calls


when you gotta go, do you gotta go?

i've always thought it weird when people are in the bathroom forever. i don't see how one can be in the bathroom long enough to actually read anything longer than the listerine label. is the toilet a comfortable reading chair? i just don't understand.

i am so lazy i will sit and squirm for an hour or two before i will get up to pee (yeah yeah, bad for the bladder, blah blah blah). at work, i often rush into the bathroom and find someone in who is not as efficient at using the restroom as i am. even if i have to go #2 i am in and out in no time flat, spending more time at the sink than in the stall (efficiency at it's finest thankyouverymuch).

on thursday i encountered another squatter during one of my sprints to the bathroom. maybe she was reading a good book, maybe she fell asleep, i don't know. i would have tossed some metamucil under the stall if i had any.


i also find it weird when people sit there trying to be invisible? hello i can see your shoes, i know what you're waiting to do. sometimes i want to dilly dally just to make them even more uncomfortable.

are you efficient in the bathroom or do you like to savor the moment?



i runched thursday. i couldn't decide what kind of run to do so i did a little of everything: gmp-tempo-progression-10k race pace....

it was cool (46 degrees) but i managed to work up a decent sweat over 7 miles. mileage is more important than time to shower, so i wiped off the sweat, draped my clothes around the locker-shower-stall to air dry (hopefully no one walked in on that), and walked upstairs to my desk in a cloud of victoria's secret "very sexy (for her)". because nothing says sexy quite like dried sweat.
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38 comments :

  1. Your paint skillz never disappoint and you've also given me a new reason to defriend you... you linger purposely?!?!? Some of us aren't as efficient as you in the restroom. Some of us need a little more time than others might deem necessary. Some of us are embarrassed by this and hate people like you who linger on purpose!

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  2. LOLLLLLL

    I am in and out in about 30 seconds. People need to eat more vegetables.

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  3. oh i hate that too when people sit in there trying to be invincible and i know they just want to let it rip! lol.

    in the mornings i like my bathroom time, but other than its a quickie.

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  4. My husband stays in there forever. Drives me insane. I'm in and out in no time flat! I love how ppl are so quiet and invisible! I think the same thing - dude I know what you're gonna dooooooooo!

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  5. I am in and out in (hopefully) under 1 minute. No need to hang out. I ahve better things to do.

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  6. Haha, I'm like you. Make it as fast as possible after delaying to go for as long as possible.

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  7. I wait as long as possible before I end up going (not a good idea) and then I'm in and out fast...especially at work. What is really annoying is when people talk on the phone in the bathroom at work!! why?

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  8. Hilarious! If I'm at home and my husband can cover on kid duty then I totally take my time, drink some coffee, read a book, think...I love a good long poo! But if I'm at work, I totally get the job done quick! and the hiding thing...no, I practically start a conversation to the people next to me. :) "Sure feels great to get that one out! Don't you agree?! " Just kidding...I'm not that bad. Great job getting out there and fitting your run in!

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  9. This is hilarious. Funny thing is at work, you can see the shoes of the person under the stall. I'm one of the only runners and often wear tennis shoes to work -- but on Friday's (casual day) everyone wears tennis, so I'm not "outed."

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  10. Linds,

    I fully understand your need for speed. However, what do you want people to do be loud? talk on the phone? bring in their laptop so they can click away?
    Let people do their doo in peace.

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  11. hahahahah

    i'm in and out man.

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  12. I guess some of us don't have the proper diet and it takes a wee-bit longer for the business to come out. Are M&Ms the secret?!?

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  13. in and out all the way. sometimes i linger in the sink area to delay going back outside but in the stall? never.

    i wait until the last possible second too, we should probably stop as it'll likely give us a UTI sometime soon.

    and shoot me an email if you are absolutely dying to know my "exciting" news. you probs will find it boring though hahah

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  14. Hahaha love this! It's so true! I think it's especially hilarous when someone walks in and then walks right back out because they have to do the deed but someone is already in the bathroom. At least they don't try to be invisible....i guess...

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  15. Oooh, I'm the same way! I hold it for forever, then it's a mad dash to make it in time. Then I'm in & out once business is taken care of.

    My husband on the other hand? He'll be in there for 30-45 minutes sometimes. I swear he's just in there hiding from me & the kids.

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  16. I never understand that either!! Even if its #2 I'm done in one minute. What are these people eating??

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  17. Wow. I thought I was reading Adam's blog (http://www.theboringrunner.com/) there for a minute. And then I saw the infamous Paint skillz.

    I have two bathrooms for my own use on a daily basis. I can linger or be quick and no one will know!

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  18. RUNCH! How did I miss that the first time!?! That, and the pictures, cracked me up. And to answer your question: Ruthless efficiency.

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  19. LOL, too funny! I am in and out when I can, but I'll be honest, I don't like other people around, and I'll occasionally try and wait people out...

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  20. Hmm...poop and sweat. What a great blog post. I like to be efficient in the bathroom too - just get in and get it done.

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  21. Ah, that squatter is me and you just freaked me out! You mean there are people out there who will intentionally dilly dally just to make me sit there??!!!
    Cruel!
    LOVE the art, as usual!

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  22. Kkkk...
    Your drawings are cute!
    Eat well do it better :)

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  23. We have a condition for those who tend to linger in the stalls.....we call it "shithouse polio"!!! I mean really....what the hell takes so long. I am in/out like lightning! My Dad used to read the Sunday paper on the "throne".....so glad that didn't get passed down to me!
    As usual-another fine example of computer artwork!

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  24. I am fast in the BR and get annoyed when people take forever. With you all the way on this one.

    Yes yes yes we have to meet up at Boston! Let's exchange cell phone numbers email before we go.

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  25. I'll confess that I sometimes linger at home, but since I hate public restrooms there's no way I linger there. If I've got to go #2, I'll do my best to hold it until I get home.

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  26. Wow. This had me laughing out loud like a crazy lady. My husband now thinks I'm insane.

    I'm a weirdy too, I'll sit and hold it for as.long.as.possible.. Thankfully I have no coworkers and have 2 bathrooms to myself. I never have to wait for anyone. I get in, get it done, and get out. My husband takes FOREVER.

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  27. Hey, really great blog post… I've enjoyed reading through your blog because of the great style and energy you put into each post. I actually run AceHealth.org, a blog of my personal research and experiences. If you're interested, I would love to have you on as a guest blogger. Please send me an e-mail: bob.mauer65(at)gmail(dot)com, and I can give you more information. Looking forward to hearing from you.

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  28. You crack me up! I'm taking a break from my swinging honeymoon to comment quickly here!

    I have NO time for long bathroom breaks. Definitely efficient!

    Nothing says sexy like dried sweat-ha! Have a great Sunday:)

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  29. I have to admit, generally the amount of time I spend in the bathroom stall has nothing to do with what I need to do in the bathroom stall, if you know what I mean. If I'm in a public place, I'm in and out. I can't stand it when you're waiting in line for a bathroom and people take forEVER. At home I also tend to be in and out. But sometimes at work you just need a place to go to have some time to yourself and clear your mind and in some offices (mine, for instance) your best bet for this sort of thing is the bathroom. In New York, you can't take a break by going for a walk outside because there are like 1,000,000 people out there at any given moment. So yeah, bathroom ahoy.

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  30. Hahaha! I am also in and out, no time to waste!

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  31. I always love your pictures.. and yeah I hate when people take their time in the bathroom.

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  32. Wow, very effective picture. Making the reader think.

    There's probably a whole poop underground that you're just not privy to, so check this out and life will make so much more sense.

    http://interestingemailforwards.blogspot.com/2009/04/how-to-poop-at-work-bathroom-etiquette.html

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  33. I HATE SQUATTERS, TOO!!! Just get it done and get out!

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  34. I mentioned this in my LA race report. There was a long line to the restrooms at Dodgers Stadium, it was the line for #2. My cousin and I strolled right into the restrooms for #1 and out in a minute :)

    Seriously, those are awesome drawings, doesn't even matter if it's in MSpaint!

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